Sailors will survive the Zombie Apocalypse

With the advent of the Zombie Apocalypse Phone and my intent to purchase one, I realize that I need to have a plan of attack for when the zombies start taking over.

According to wikipedia and the tens of movies that I've seen, the problem is that zombies are going to multiply faster than our law enforcement and military agencies will be able to deal with this zombie population explosion. So you need a plan.

Some guys think that rope ladders and baseball bats will do the trick. Others have dogs. Still others are going to rely on chain saws and weed whackers. More still will just die an ugly and gruesome death. Probably lots of that.

Just as I'm always on the lookout for the first signs of the plague (dead squirrels), I've decided to also look out for the first signs of the Zombie Apocalypse. It will probably be gradual but a deteriorating sense of personal hygiene, general sluggishness, and appetite for brain among the masses should clue you in.

Once I see that stuff, my plan goes into effect. I'm freakin' going sailing. See, Zombies can't sail. It's not like gremlins where you can't get them wet because they get nasty and mean and strong and homicidal. Zombies are always like that. But I'm pretty sure they're going to melt or die or sink if they try to go after you on the water. And, believe me, zombies are NOT able to sail a boat.

So, just hop in your boat, sail offshore a little way, heave to and wait for the zombies to exhaust their food supply. Then, return home as the conquering hero to a much less populated land.

In a way, Reid Stowe laid out the blueprint for all of us. Make sure you have a ton of cheese, mung beans and a sewing machine to repair your sails. Get out there, catch fish (this assumes no zombie fish), and use your solar panels to power your watermaker. Voila, Zombie Apocalypse Survival.