26 May 2005

Off-Topic Rant

In this news story, a man is sentenced for vehicular homicide for drunkenly decapitating his friend who leaned out of the car to throw up at high speed. This yokel didn't even know he had a decapitated body in his truck until the next day.

What really cheeses me off about these stories is that they don't talk about what happened to the missing body parts*. Sure, it's cool that you wake up with a hangover and go find a headless body inexplicably in the cab of your truck. But what about the old lady walking her dog at 7AM who finds a drunken head rolling along the side of the road? Nobody ever talks about "her".

My friend Dobson replied to my rant: "It’s real life stories like this that make me proud of the South (incidentally, the Runaway bride is from these here parts as well). The head was decapitated by a road sign and by the time the head was found it was, much like any other road kill, pancaked into the pavement. The little old lady’s dog would have probably passed it off as possum or raccoon…a common ‘pancake’ round here. It is amazing that no one recognized it as a human head while they obviously veered to run it over. Probably thought it was a turtle?"

How could I have ever left that place? People went out of their way to run over a head? I love that. "look cletus, a head, I bet you a longneck you can't hit it...."

* Another Example: What happened to the legs?

1 comment:

NonstopExpress said...

Like I said on Crapola, it's tough to have clear vision when you're tweaking on meth and drunk on Budweiser.

And don't dis the name Cletus. I might have a son some day.