26 February 2019

The Pirate Curse!

I was a bit skeptical joining in the game with Noah last night. He had a galleon open with two of his friends and had an open slot; the plan was to take down a skull fort so Patibo could get some loot to pay for a new set of sails. My plan had been to explore a couple of uncharted islands where I'd found mermaids before. But, their boat had already spawned and they needed an adult in the room, so what the heck, I did it.

Things actually went exceedingly well. I sailed the boat over, found a good parking spot, and the boys set to attacking the fort while I nervously watched a couple of sloops lurking in the distance. The sloops obviously planned on trying to steal our loot but I have freakin' Pirate Keyser Soze on my boat...none of us were too worried.

A brigantine thought it was worth their time to come over and mess with us. I called the boys off the island, angled the boat for a fight, and loaded the cannons for battle. The brig used the time tested technique of ramming us while taking cannon fire from two cannons. As soon as they got close, Noah jumped on board, killed all three of them, Patibo went below to repair and I ran up to the crow's nest to get an explosive barrel. Turned out we didn't need the barrel. Noah kept killing them while they sank. Patibo repaired the boat and we were done.

After the "battle," Noah decided it was time to take care of the one remaining sloop in the distance. He shot himself over there yelling out that he was with the Brigantine that had just been sank and needed some help. He boarded and nobody was there, so he raised the anchor and ran them into a rock to sink them. Swimming back to our ship, he saw the sloop guys trying to board us. So he killed them.

That should have been a warning to everyone. We are deadly!

Of course, we finished the fort right as the sloop came back (ships respawn on the same server). They made the mistake of sailing right up to us, I hit them with a million cannon shots, sank them while Noah killed both guys. But one of them spawned back right before the ship sank and hid on the island. I had tried to kill him but I kind of stink at PvP combat so he got away. This will be pertinent later!

Our team loaded all the treasure onto a rowboat to bring to the boat while Noah swam over with the mega barrel (an explosive barrel that can sink any ship), right as he got to the boat, the hidden sloop dude shot the barrel, exploded it and sunk our ship, killing everyone on board. But we had all of our loot on a rowboat! Those two guys started rowing away, hoping to hide out while we sailed our respawned boat back. We had to sail upwind back to the fort while they rowed around getting lost.

When we finally got back they were nowhere to be seen! They had rowed to the wrong island exactly where the freaking sloop was! The sloop dusted them, stole the loot and turned it in. The two rowboat dudes called it a night but Noah and I weren't done with the sloop. We made haste down to the outpost where they turned it in and got in a stupid fight as a two man galleon (not easy to do).

Noah boarded them, killed them both, while I circled around trying to get cannon fire on them. And, of course, right then a Megaladon spawned, took a bite out of our boat and almost sank us. I had to repair, leaving Noah to fight two dudes on his own. He died while I was desperately not saving the ship. Right as he got back on, the megaladon took another bite, knocked us both off while our boat sailed away filling with water.

We were done. We'd lost our loot, our friends and our boat. These two sloop-fools had gotten the better of us. But I had one more trick, pulling out my megaphone and yelling at their boat as they sailed away, "You have won today, but on my honor I curse you, you will never win another pirate battle!" And then to mess with their heads, I added "Backstreet's back, oh yeah!"

Noah burst into my office and asked what the heck that meant so I told him. The curse was that they'd always wonder...they would always wonder. Backstreet's back, oh yeah!

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