05 June 2008

Boats that Should Not Be in the Olympics

Despite all my back-room shenanigans, I don't really have an opinion on what boats should be in the Olympics. Honestly, I didn't think they'd take my "training wheels" comment seriously and ban multi-hulls? Who would believe a darned thing that a leadbelly said? But, what happened happened, we just have to live with it.

Since I apparently have such great influence, I'm willing to use it for the greater good, or mirth, whichever comes first. I'm going to write the definitive tome on what boats should and shouldn't be in the Olympics. Without knowing which ones actually are now AND with help from commenters.

In my last post, somebody mentioned no pontoon boats. Deal. They're out. While we're at it, all boats that involve drinking are out: jetskis, barges, the Valdez, houseboats, and clipper ships.

I've already taken care of multi-hulls but they have cousins. Frickin' proas? Kick them to the curb. Outrigger canoes? Gone.

I hate boats that can sink. J-24s are out. Anything that drags lead around (including the ever fashionable Newport 28) is forever banned. Go Positive Buoyancy!

I heard you have to be in incredible shape to sail a Star. Screw that. Sailing should involve doritos and light beer. Ditch the Star.

No boats named after Nordic people just because of the Angry Norwegians of Horta. The Finn is out by association. No boats that are unpronouncable...yngling, what the hell is that? And I don't like boats without a name...470 and 49er are a-goner.

I'm a well-read guy for the most part but Shakespeare and sailing should not mix (he's just not existential enough) so out goes the Tempest.

I think that leaves the Laser. But why saddle sailors with an inferior boat when they can have a Force 5? But there is safety in numbers and the Laserettes sure do have a following. But all concerned (errr, well, Joe at least) maintain that the Force 5 is a better boat.

This gives me an idea to improve the Olympics. Why make it country v. country, aren't there enough forums for nationalistic battles in this world? We should have all sailors pick a boat, Laser or Force 5, and battle for Olympic Glory and Dinghy Supremacy.

11 comments:

Christy ~ Central Air said...

I'd like to see Hunter 26s with the Tacky Squiggly Decals forever excluded from the Olympics.

EVK4 said...

Christy, the Hunter 26s and Mac 26Xs are both gone. I might make an exception for a Mac 26 that takes my suggestion and gets a lowrider chainlink steering wheel. But max outboard HP will be regulated to 90.

Tillerman said...

Any boat named after a beer should be banned. Out with the Yngling.

Tillerman said...

I like the Force 5 vs Sunfish showdown idea. At my old club we had a Double Dipper Regatta which consisted of a one day Laser regatta followed by a one day Sunfish regatta with the winner being the sailor with the best score across both days. I think I won it once. As it was held on a holiday weekend there was some suggestion of inviting the Force 5 fleet and making it a 3-day event, but I don't think that ever happened.

I think we should extend this idea to the Olympics and have about eight single-handed classes racing on successive days, with one gold medal for the best sailor across all the classes. We could have Laser, Sunfish, Radial, Finn, Banshee (for Joe), Sabre (for Joe), Force 5 (for Joe) and Solo (for Ant).

No trapeze classes. No spinnakers. No cats. No foilers. All definitely against the Olympian spirit.

Tillerman said...

Hmmm, I just realized that my last two comments both have errors that betray I didn't read your original post carefully enough. I must be losing my bearings.

Christy ~ Central Air said...

Also, no Tall Ships, please.

Er... wait... that might actually be cool.... Not cool in a 'fast-paced' sort of way, but cool in a 'crowded at the mark' sort of way.

Zen said...

Hehehehahahahahahah

Joe said...

Oh my, pour me a strong barkeep!

Joe said...

That would be a strong "one." WTF is wrong with me lately?

Carol Anne said...

I'll take a strong barkeep!

strong barkeep said...

Down girl.